Wandering Mind

It was one of those nights where the dream just kept going. The feeling of loss and being lost. Not sure who is there with you, brief glimpses of someone but then they’re gone, then they’re the wrong person, then you’re alone again. Ooof, that’s what I woke from this morning. It raised a lot of questions in my mind and I realize I need to look for answers, some of which are actions. One of which is to make more effort to have mine and L’s relationship not feel like a long distance relationship. We went from 450 miles to 90 miles with my move but it still feels distant. She invited me to a soiree that her agents are throwing on Friday that I initially declined do to the inconvenience of distance and it starts late, and I’ll get home late but I have to go home or the dog will explode… Basic, whiney stuff. I have rethunk that idea and I will just hop on the train into the city, have a lovely evening, and then hop back on the train and drag her back out to the boonies with me. It should be Lovely, and I don’t get out enough as it is. And class on Saturday doesn’t start until 11 so I can even sleep in a little if I want.

The calm, rational, forward thinking, however, was not my first thought of the day and I was pretty down. I didn’t want to practice especially because it would be a home practice, which is really hard when I’m down. I decided to take a short bike ride to get some blood flowing and the heart moving a bit and I would attempt to practice when I got back. Just a short 3 mile jaunt, took about 10 minutes but it started the shift in perspective. I tried waving to the deer this morning to see if I get any reaction, I think one smiled at me and they all waved their little white tails at me (I can pretend that’s a sign of salutation). There was one walking along the road that I wasn’t sure was going to move out of the way when I rode up. She bolted last second.

When I got home I still didn’t want to practice but I’ve been reading about people who do a home practice…alone…everyday… I understand their lack of desire to step onto the mat, but they do, day after day, so I can do it today. I also opened my practice to the people who want to practice but can’t, hopefully allowing them to move a little through me. I know it sounds a little corny but it really helped. And I swear I heard someone else’s voice in my head a few times. I know sometimes it was my ego saying "Is this all the further you can go in this pose?" And, "Wow, you’re really not very flexible are you?" But there was a kind voice, too, just enjoying the movement. And the ego passed and I really enjoyed myself, feeling my poses like I hadn’t done them in a while. Unfortunately I was a little short on time so I skipped quite a few of the vinyasas but I did all the poses with a little bit of yoganidrasana prep stuffs after supta padangustasana. I think that actually does more to open my mind to what my body is capable of than opening the body.

As the mind cleared through practice I was able to see a little better and I realized a trip to Manhattan was just what I needed.

On a side note, I’m thinking about switching my web host and blog host as I think I’m overpaying for the web host and the feed for the blog doesn’t seem to be feeding very regularly…