Wandering Mind

It's hard to be a father-to-be. Not because I have any worries about being a good dad, but because I have to be a better husband. "I know how I would do it if I were having a baby." but I'm not having a baby. She is. And I have to do every thing I can to make sure she has what she needs which is NOT always what I think she needs. When I do something with the sweetest and most loving of intentions and she asks me to change it (mind you, she has been generous and sweet about every request) I have to take a half second to talk my ego down and realize that she is right, I am not, and that if my intentions are true it's actually very easy to give her what she needs. I know my wife quite well in who she is and what her general likes and dislike are, but this is an opportunity to understand her on so much deeper of a level than I've ever honestly imagined. I fall a little more in love with her every day.

This really is a process about her. It's nice to think that I am a part of it and am able to help her but ultimately that's all I can do. That may be one of the hardest things for me as a man to accept. I know that many women may feel that men say things like this because they don't know what it's like to have a child, what the pain is like. But it's really not about the pain, it's about the life. I understand what my dharma as a husband, soon to be father, is, or at least I am learning to understand and I am happy to take on that responsibility to the best of my abilities, but I can only be curious about what it's really like. Even if described with the most accurate detail it must be experienced to be understood.

And please don't misunderstand me. I'm truly happy to be here with her exactly as things are. This is just a musing of a wandering mind.

Labels: Child Birth