Wandering Mind

Today turned out to be a good day other than lack of practice. I may swap today for Friday. I need to check moon days, though. I’m not sure when the next one is. Should be soon. Class went well today. The students were engaged and I actually had them talking and on occasion, smiling. Even the ones who are only there because it’s “required” were talking. I finally found the salad bar at the student union so I can get a healthy and relatively cheap lunch. I had some new work study students in today as well. One of whom I was concerned when I hired her that she may not be cut out for some of the rough and dirty work we get into… I was so wrong. It was a good crew today.

I’m trying to train my brain to work differently, too. I’m somewhat used to multi tasking but not on the level I have to here. Between teaching, advising, scheduling, engineering, drafting, building, purchasing, budgeting and dealing with anything else that may be happening on the stage my mind is having to focus on a few different things all the time. I’m starting to get used to it, however it is severely limiting my blog reading time… I think I’m staying current on most of them.

And…I think there’s a cold front starting through. Maybe it will start to dry out soon.

One scary thing, though. My old noisy neighbors finally moved out and were replaced not with either of the two very nice couples that I met while they were looking for a place, but by 3 single guys. Last night was their first night in the apartment and I had to go up at 11:00 to ask them to stop pounding on the floor. I’m hoping I’m just making unfair assumptions and they really are just a bunch of quiet bookworms.

It was still dark when I got up this morning. I guess summer is on its way out. Another night of bad dreams and waking stressed about the job. No yoga this morning, the idea of time is too prevalent in my mind and I would just be watching the clock. I go for a walk in the rain instead. It’s not raining so much to quiet the morning song and I’m grateful for the accompaniment as I pass through the air thick with humidity. I try to breathe long and slow to ease the tension in my chest and listen to the birds and crickets. I smell the wet world around me, and observe a world in which time is not something to be struggled against. It simply is, as is the rain, as is the sun. I get back home wetter than when I left and step inside to humidity as heavy as the outside. The dog and the cat are conspiring, cut off in mid conversation as I enter. I come back into my world, in which I haven’t released time from its enemy status, and so I struggle.

Not much exciting about this morning’s practice, I was just happy I could.  It was one of those slow and easy practices that actually end up going faster than you thought.  I didn’t do any second today as I got a slightly late start and I wanted to play with Urdhva Dhanurasana a little and I was doing a bit of experimenting with the shoulders as they were still a bit open from last nights practice.  Hips seem to be come and go and today they went.  Not badly, just a little snug.

Strange dreams the last couple of nights.  Last night I dreamed that the Blonde Lady and I were having a party and Jenna (whom I have never met before, only read her blog) came and we had a lovely conversation.  I think there were other people there who I haven’t met, too, but that’s the only part I remember with detail.  And the Blonde Lady seemed to have this lovely glow about her…

Busy day today.  I have to get more people comfortable using tools and make sure they keep their fingers.   Day 2 of Class is tomorrow, I might want to prep for that, too.

Holy sweet mother of God.  I think I talked for six hours straight today.  By three o’clock I wanted someone to put a gun to my head.  By five o’clock it felt like they had and my brains were nowhere to be found.  The class was fine but the students were just dead.  I think 3 or 4 had some energy to them but the rest…  I thought about making them do Sun Salutations or something to breathe a little life into them but I was afraid they might think they were being punished and yoga is not punishment.  After the dreadfully dull class (I never realized that the students can bore the teacher, but they can) I was teaching power tools all afternoon to 3 freshmen women.  They are part of my new work study crew and they were a dream.  But I had so much to show them and say to them so they kept all their fingers and thumbs I was just about horse by the end of the afternoon.  I know I overwhelmed them a bit but there is a lot to think about when using these tools.  So the rest of this week I get to continue training the new work study and then all next week I get to train the all the lab students (currently at 17 but could be as many as 40 by next week).  
I started dreaming of my yoga practice about 3:00 and couldn’t wait to go.  It’s the only thing that got me through the rest of the afternoon.  All day, due to stress, I kept finding my shoulders tightened up and working their way up towards my ears and I kept consciously having to relax and lower them.  I didn’t care what Michael had in store for us at practice I just wanted to clear out the system, clear the mind and really work on getting the stress out of my shoulders.  Guess what we did in class… Shoulder opening!  I couldn’t believe it and I almost started laughing when he said that as that was the only thing I wanted to do was relax my shoulders.  I don’t know if I’ve ever needed a class as much as I needed the one tonight.  My shoulders are pretty tight so I wasn’t expecting miracles, but they actually opened quite well.

One problem with all this work is it’s really cutting into my blogging time.  I don’t know how much I care for that.    Well, I need food and sleep.  I’m off.

Can I throw up now or do I have to wait until after class?  I love this.  I'm 33 and getting ready to go teach a bunch of 18 year olds and I'm the one that's nervous. 

Breathe

Breathe

Breathe

I start teaching tomorrow.  My first group of young minds that I get to stand in front of, hopefully not make an ass of myself and help them learn something as well.  I know I’ll be fine as soon as I start but I’m a ball of nerves right now.  I think I’m prepared, I guess I’ll find out.  The rest of my evening will be spent double checking all my notes so when they ask questions I might have a clue how to answer them.  I hope they ask questions.  I really don’t want to talk at them for an hour fifteen, nor do I want to have to pose their questions for them.

In other news the weekend was quite lovely.  Yesterday’s led primary was stiff but pleasant.  I felt like I had taken about a month off instead of just Friday.  After practice I took the Blonde Lady out for her first outdoor climbing.  She did beautifully.  After waiting a little while for a family of climbers to get off the route we wanted to try, we set up a top-rope and started up.  I think she was more nervous about belaying me than climbing.  The route we were on was Boston and it was about a fifty foot 5-5 which was a great place for her to learn some rope work and get used to getting up in the air.  Her technique was actually quite good for a novice climber (she had only climbed indoor once before) and she was doing foot jams, and laybacks her first time up.  There is a small roof on the route that stumped her the first two times she tried it but the last time up she kept working it until she got over it.  I was truly impressed.  The belay lessons were fun for me, too.  After tying the Blonde Lady to a tree (and doing a little practice belaying first) I got to climb up about twenty feet and then jump off and hope I didn’t hit the ground.  I was watching her the first time I stepped off and it was kind of funny to see her eyes get really big as my fall lifted her right off the ground.  She picked up the belaying quickly and it was nice to be able to climb without worrying (too much) that I would hit the ground.  After climbing Boston myself a couple of times to get used to being up in the air (it’s been about a year) I scooted over to the route next to Boston which was a 5-10 and surprisingly I made it up that.  I may have gotten slightly off route and taken a couple of moves of the 5-8 to the right but I know I got the crux of the 5-10.  It felt so good to get up and moving.  Bouldering is nice but I like climbing up.

After climbing I took the Blonde Lady out for dinner to celebrate her first excursion and then, unfortunately, she was hit with a migraine.  It was a little scary because it was screwing with her vision.  So needless to say the rest of the evening was not very active.  Practice this morning was fun.  It was a full room so there’s that extra boost of energy from being packed in.  The series was interesting in that Michael pulled from the first three series but the focus seemed to be largely on back bends with some hip openers for warm up.  I was actually able to bind on one side in Bharadvajasana and I’ve never been able to reach my foot in any of the seated lotus poses before.  We also did Raja Kapotasana, which I had never done before and Michael gave me an assist by pulling my feet toward my head and my shoulders back toward my feet.  It really felt great to open up the chest like that.  I’m not sure how he did it because it felt like 4 hands…

After practice on a rainy morning- homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese for lunch and then a lazy afternoon of lying in bed and talking before taking her back to the train station.

I’m ready for my day off tomorrow. Practice this morning was physically just not quite working. Energy was low and vinyasas just weren’t happening. I’ve worked my shoulders a lot this week and I think they’re pretty tired. I couldn’t motivate myself to practice yesterday so I went to a led class last night, which was a nice, low-level class that allowed me to focus a little more deeply on my alignment. One weird thing the Chiropractor did (the teacher of this particular class is a Chiropractor) was had us do Surya A and B with our eyes closed… It was interesting because you get a different understanding of your movement but not something I would ever normally chose to do. And by the end of it my eyes were getting a bit frustrated… Class didn’t get out until about 8:00pm and it’s almost too fast of a turn around to be back in the studio at 6:30am. I normally would avoid a class that late but I just needed to do something and I couldn’t motivate to practice earlier in the day.

Work is interesting. The students are back and classes start today. It’s definitely a different energy in town and on campus and there’s a lot more of it. Today is my last obligation free day for the rest of the semester (short of holidays and weekends) and I have a lot to get done today. Yesterday we had a small convocation with the new students of the Fine Arts dept. and my boss comes to me 45 minutes before it starts and says “by the way, we need some lights, a music stand, a microphone and the main curtain in.” Not a horrible request except I don’t do lights or sound so I’m trying to get everything figured out before everyone comes in. I made it, barely. Blonde Lady is coming up this weekend and we’re going to get her on rock for the first time and hopefully up about 75 to 100 feet. Should be fun!

I’m a cheater. Oh, the heartache. I made the discovery last night but didn’t know the full impact of it until this morning. I’ve been cheating for almost a year now… and now I have to pay the price. I’ve been doing jump backs and jump throughs with bent arms instead of keeping them straight. This allowed my chest to do the work that my shoulders should have been doing. So now (that I’m not cheating) vinyasas are like they were a year ago, I can barely get my feet through if I can at all. Now that I know what I’ve been doing I can change it and I can already tell it will make a huge difference in so much. Lifting into handstands, floating forward and back, all the arm balances. The question on my mind is How long will it take to get back to floaty vinyasas, but I really won’t be going back anywhere, only forward… I skipped a whole lot of vinyasas this morning so that the ones I did do had the best form possible, now as I sit here and type this I can already feel the exhaustion in my shoulders. It’s all in the rear deltoid. I think this weakness has kept me from being able to do a few things that I had been assuming were do to lack of core strength. I’m really happy to have caught this now. I could have gone a long time faking a lot of things and it really would have stunted my progress. This is good. Practice was nice this morning. I obviously played with the vinyasas a lot and everything felt pretty good. The left hamstring feels like it might be improving, but supta K was still pretty tight. After primary I went through second through Laghu Vajrasana, which I was feeling stronger moving out of the pose that usual, stronger legs… All in all, a good practice.

Another gorgeous day. I rode the bike in today, a little chilly at 6:30 but it felt good after practice. New faculty meeting today, then a little more work to get ready for the semester to start and then off to the Gunks for a little bouldering (unless I can find a partner between now and then)

There are those days where everything feels good and right and I’m so grateful to have them every once in a while to help keep me optimistic… And today makes three in a row. I’m amazed that a day like today can follow such a great weekend. Work was a bit of a snooze and at the retreat everyone just talked and talked and talked all at the same time. It wasn’t a complete waste. I learned a bit about the department and I believe some issues were resolved but overall I was less than enthused. After the retreat I went outside and the weather was amazing. 80ish, Sunny, and a great breeze. Beautiful blue skies with a few clouds cruising by. I went home and opened up all the windows to really allow my apartment to air out. It’s a nice, cool apartment but the price of the coolness is moisture so it usually feels slightly damp a lot. Not Today! Talked to the Blonde Lady briefly on the phone, her day seemed as bright as mine, then I grabbed my yoga gear, hopped on the bike and went for a cruise. Days like today were made for motorcycles. I wish I could describe the ride but I don’t think I could do it justice. Being on a motorcycle on a clear day in the country is something magical. The smells are always the first thing I notice; you smell every flower, every plant… And the colors… It’s all just so intense, not something you can get from looking through a windshield.

Went to yoga class where we focused on adho mukha vrksasana and going into it from bakasana. We played with the core strength necessary to do these poses and transition through them. Michael demonstrated a few things and I’m always in awe of how easy he makes them look. I’m looking forward to the day when I can do them that easy. I know it’s just practice and being patient and I’m willing to do both. He actually used me for a demonstration a couple of times, which is rare, so I was a little flattered (bad ego, bad). I also approached him yesterday about subbing for his classes if he needed it and he actually asked me today if I would be available Wednesday mornings, unfortunately I’m not. But at least he’s interested! We also did some partner work that was fun. My partner was Jesse and the interesting thing about her was that after I dropped the Blonde Lady at the train station yesterday I was driving back and saw a group of sky divers near the ridge and I thought it looked like so much fun, well, she was one of them. So class was a blast and then a beautiful ride home in the twilight. There is an herb farm on the way to my house and the smell of it when I rode by tonight was pretty amazing.

I came home to an apartment with no power but it doesn’t really matter. It just means I get to have a candle lit evening to finish out my wonderful day.

I’m grateful to the universe for allowing this wonderment that is my life.

School starts this week. I don't have a class until next week (my class meets Mondays and Wednesdays) but the students and everything else starts this week. I have all kinds of fun things to do as new faculty starting with a Theatre department retreat today. Fortunately I came into work early today because an email was sent out at the END of the day on Friday saying where the retreat was... and it's not here. So had I come in at my regular time I would be very late to the retreat. I still might be anyway. Tomorrow is a meeting for new faculty and Wednesday is the Dean's meeting with everyone in the Fine Arts Dept. Should be a hoot.

I had a wonderful weekend to launch me into this week. I made it to the rocks for a little while each day but I have to admit I'm starting to get a little bored without a partner. All the fun stuff is too dangerous to do by myself. Yoga on Saturday was led Primary with led by someone I'm not sure has led it before... Which was good and bad. No adjustments, the timing was a bit odd, and I think a little stage fright caused her to lose the names of a lot of the poses. My favorite was the "backward vinyasa thing". The good thing about it was that if I didn't want to get completely frustrated with it I had to accept it, and really internalize my practice, which I did and it was lovely. Sunday Michael was back and it was a nice practice directed, it seemed, toward subtle hip opening. I'm just enjoying practicing with people again, so that was really the highlight of the practices. I do need to comment about one gentleman in the class yesterday but I'm running out of time so I'll have to do it later.

Other weekend highlights. The Blonde Lady was up and we had a great time, hiking and bouldering. Next week we start teaching her rope work! We also managed to clean and organize my second bedroom so it's almost in a usable condition. Lots of nice relaxing time, too. She brought her guitar up and serenaded me a little, too. There is something so touching when someone will open herself up to you in a one on one situation with something like that. All in all, it was a wonderful way to prepare myself for this week.

Now I have to go figure out where the hell this retreat is.

Yoga - No, Climbing-Yes. Well at least about 10 minutes of bouldering. I took the Blonde Lady up to the Gunks to show her around and we somehow ended up on a five mile hike. I made a few laps on the warm-up boulder before we left just to keep working my fingers. Felt better today, and I reminded myself to breathe. REW mentioned that she thought asana and climbing would be a good compliment to each other and I think she's right. Although they vary slightly according to the terrain there are "postures" or moves that are repeated in a sequence according to the earth. The longer you practice the more "postures" you learn and develop the skills and condition to do and it always comes back to the breath. You also develop a focus and a sense of peace (once you get past the fear). For me, personally, it also allows me to find a connection with all things. I climb with more ease and focus when, before I climb, I put my hand on the rock, take a breath, and allow myself to feel the connection to the rock and the earth.

And climbing has no moon days...

... but you can get rained out.

I love the smell of chalk on my hands. I just bought my one year climbing pass and I went out on my first bouldering excursion here at the Gunks. For anyone who doesn’t know, bouldering is rock climbing that stays close to the ground so if you fall it’s safe or at least non-lethal, while rock climbing is going higher and using ropes and gear for protection to keep from hitting the ground (oh, and the chalk is put on the hands to keep from slipping). It felt good to be on rock again, it’s been over a year. I was happy that my hands and feet remembered what they are supposed to do, whether or not they have the strength and calluses to do it (which they don’t). I just climbed around a bit to strengthen the hands and rough up the finger tips, successfully I might add as I could feel my heartbeat in my fingertips hiking out and they are currently hypersensitive to temperature (another sign of good, rough rock). I wasn’t thinking, though, and brought my “good” climbing shoes which are screamin’ tight. Not the best shoes to break my feet back into climbing. Even in my prime I couldn’t wear them more than 20 minutes and they’ve shrunk and my feet have spread.

It was a little bit of a let down just because I haven’t climbed in so long and I need to get my body back into climbing condition which doesn’t happen instantly. I think part of me was hoping I would just hop on the rock and cruise. It would be like taking a year off from yoga and then coming back to the mat and not being able to touch your toes in utanasana. It’s frustrating for the ego but it won’t take long, just patience. I think the thing that scares me the most is getting back into placing pro (short for “protection” which is gear placed in cracks in the rock that a climber attaches her/his rope to in order to prevent sudden contact with the ground) and learning to trust it. It’s not something you want to screw up two hundred feet in the air. But it really is all practice and patience. I’ve been there before and I’ll be there again. My goal is going to be similar to my yoga. Do something every day, no matter what. Even if it’s only bouldering for 5 minutes, just get my hands and feet on the rock, it’s only five minutes from my house so no excuses. I’m also checking into splitting up the blog so I can have yoga, climbing or both so people don’t have to read what doesn’t interest them.

Moving in degrees. Seeing the smallest changes in any direction and appreciating that they are there. So many little things changing in my practice and today I was of the mind to observe. I’m feeling very good this morning and my practice was as strong as it’s been in a while. The hamstring issue is still raging but I’m trying to open up to it and see what it needs. Kurmasana was almost painful (well, it was painful, but almost Bad painful) and I was hesitant, again, to go into supta K but I did and I didn’t push, I just allowed myself to relax down toward the earth. I didn’t get very far into the pose but I felt my lower back releasing, which was a nice and somewhat new feeling. I’m at the point of dreading going into Bhujapidasana and the Kurmasanas because of that left side. So as long as I attempt the pose or do modifications I’m happy, otherwise I might start skipping them altogether and that would be a bad habit to start. Practiced at the studio this morning and actually got there early enough to get through my second series poses, too. One good thing about not being in a real Mysore class is I can give myself new poses!

Today is a good day. I’m curious if my mood is related to the healthier food I’ve been eating or the moon… or both. We’ll see how I feel if I’m still eating well come the new moon.

I have seen the glory that is the Gunks! and it is good.

I finally made it up there to check out the climbing. I didn't actually climb but I did a little bouldering just to see how my hands were... and they're soft. I'm glad I didn't go before, after one look at these routes I think I'm addicted. I'm bringing my shoes tomorrow so I can really boulder (and I might bring a little gear just in case someone needs a partner). Yeah, I'm going to have to find a partner now...

And this gives me great motivation to practice my yoga in the morning so I can climb at night!

oh, dear.

Energy was even today and I didn’t crap out about halfway through. I think that’s where the toxic food gets me. My focus was also better this morning and actually all of yesterday, too. I wore a long sleeve shirt through my practice this morning to try to keep the heat up. It worked but was slightly irritating, as I’m not used to wearing a shirt when I practice or if I do it doesn’t have sleeves. But my apartment is only 71 degrees and it was fifty something outside so I wasn’t going to the dock… Tomorrow I’ll be back in the studio and the temperature there is good. I started earlier than normal (6:15). I think my body wasn’t quite ready for that but I think it will be good in the long run. This way I won’t have to watch the clock or rush to finish.

I wish whatever is going on with my left hamstring and sacrotuberous ligament would work itself out soon. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not an injury but my body restructuring itself. (No, I have no medical proof to back that up) This is the same thing that happened on my right side and took a couple months to work through. But now that it finally has I’ve had a lot of openings on that side plus my hips in general really opened when that tightness went away. I’m sure I’ll be paying attention to the progress of this as it seems to be one of my most obvious (to me) limiting factors. That and my shoulders but they’re just tight, no discomfort.

After the primary I did my standard second series through most of the back bends. Upper back was really tight but it started releasing and felt really good by Urdhva Dhanurasana. As I started doing UD I asked myself how many I should do, should I just do three or six or somewhere in between but was suddenly reminded of an idea from a book I read a while ago, I can only do one pose at a time so it doesn’t do any good to worry or even think of the next one. So I did one UD at a time… and stopped after four. I’m curious if I were able to take a regular/daily mysore class where I would have to stop (or if I would) in the primary. Saraswati allowed me to do all the poses but she new it was just for a week… May not find out until I make it to India, whenever that will be.

Tight, sooo tight. Hips, hamstrings, back…I didn’t even attempt Supta Kurmasana this morning out of fear of really hurting myself. I’m trying to figure out why I’m having such varied practices. I think poor eating habits are one cause. I ate well going into this weekend and had good practices but the last couple of days have been a lot of sugar and fat and this morning my body was pissed. I don’t think that the food overly affects my openness directly but it affects my focus and my ability to create heat in the body which definitely affect my ability to open. I’m also not sure how much temperature and time of day actually affect my practice. 4 pm always feels like the best time for me to practice but it’s usually impossible to practice then. Obviously I’m going to be tighter in the mornings but where do you make the most progress? Stretching when you’re tight or loose? It was also really warm during my practices over the weekend and my body warmed up quick, vs. these cooler mornings where I may not really start to sweat until half way through standing and then cool down once I’m on the floor. I’m going to focus on the food for now and see what happens. The mornings and temperature are not as much under my control (unless I want to give up all of my evenings to practice). I know my focus at work improves when I’m not all junked up on fat and sugar. And speaking of focus at work… back to the grind.

I think that's the phrase, or something like it. That was part of my experience over the weekend. I thought I had already said goodbye to my old house, my old job, but I guess not. I stayed in my house in buffalo for the last time over the weekend and it was actually a little hard. Whoever had been taking care of my yard (and I use the phrase VERY loosely) had not been doing a very good job and it was kind of painful to see all the work that I had done over the last three years overgrown with grass and weeds. I had a hard time not cleaning it all up… but it’s not mine anymore. The new owner moves in today. It kind of felt like seeing an old flame for the first time since the break-up and she’s so happy to see you but can’t talk because she has a date… Damn, and I thought I was happy to get rid of it. I know I made a good move, to be here and teaching, but I have to allow myself to realize that there were parts of my life there that were important and/or good and not just cut myself off from that past (which is a habit I tend to have). I think the hardest part about leaving the house for the last time was having a physical place where wonderful, horrific, and life changing events occurred and I could see the places where these memories occurred, I could still see them happening like an outside observer in their original context. Now I have to rely entirely on the conscious mind to not allow these events to slip away.

There were some wonderful moments this weekend, too. I was able to spend a lot of time with my friends from the studio. Due to certain self esteem issues I often have a hard time going back to visit places/friends because sometimes I have a hard time believing that people want to see me, or even give a shit that I’m visiting. And this trip wasn’t much different at the start but as I started seeing my friends I realized that they were as happy to see me as I was them. Buffalo never really felt like home to me, but being in the yoga studio again, and being with my friends, that felt like home to me, like family.

And the yoga was superb. Saturday was the Primary led by Maria Full of Grace. It was a wonderful class and a nice change of pace. It was a slower pace with longer holds than what I have been doing here and a wonderful reminder to slow down and experience the practice. My hips were crazy open, too. All the lotus and half lotus poses came so much more easily than they ever have. I had started to see a little opening in my hips on Thursday and Friday but the step to Saturday was huge. It was hotter than what I was used to so I’m sure that helped quite a bit. Sunday’s class was taught by the Matriarch of my yoga family and, as always, was dead on what I needed. I don’t understand how great teachers are able to teach a class of 20 people, all with different bodies, and different needs, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and everyone does the same poses, hears the same words and walks out saying “that was exactly what I needed.” But that’s what always seems to happen in her classes. It’s inspiring, as student and a teacher. The asana aspect of Sunday morning’s practice was…Hips! So I got a lot more work on getting the hips open. So the hips are a bit tight today but I’m sure once I practice they’ll be fine.

My task this morning is getting more prepared for my class that starts in two weeks… I think I’m going to take it in the direction of teaching it like a language. Teaching that this aspect of theatre is full of ideas they already know but are put together using different/new words and concepts. Allow the students the opportunity to experience as many aspects of this vocabulary as possible (in the time allotted…) from the physical to the theoretical and help them be able to use this vocabulary to expand the processes of their minds. Understanding the “pattern language” of technical theatre (a concept introduced to me through a book by Christopher Alexander). That’s my jumping off point for the morning.

Motivated, Not, Motivated, Not, Motivated, Not…This has been my morning. I woke up ready to practice, armed with knowledge. (Skip to the next paragraph if you don't want your A&P lesson of the day...) I found some information about the hamstring and how it’s part of the superficial back line of myofascial trains. Essentially, this line of connected myofascia starts at the balls of the feet, goes over the heel, up the achilles tendon, the calf, the hamstrings, then the hamstrings are “connected” to the sacrum through the sacrotuberous ligament, from the sacrum we get into the muscles of the back, then the neck and wraps up the back of the head all the way to the forehead. So by manipulating one area of this line you can, in fact, affect the entire line. If you roll a ball under your foot pressing as hard as you can finding the fine line between pleasure and pain, you start to relax and release this whole line. Try it. Take uttanasana (make sure your legs are straight) and just feel how far you can comfortably fold forward. Then take a tennis ball, put it under your foot and press down as hard as is comfortable and roll it around. (oh, come out of uttanasana first) Really massage the underside of your foot, then do the other one, then find uttanasana again. Can you fold any further? Anyway, that was what I was paying attention to before and during a lot of my practice.

So I practiced by the pond this morning hoping it would be warmer than my apartment, it was a little better. But motivation was a roller coaster. One salutation I would be ready to quit, the next I wanted to keep going. Once I hit Trikonasana I was finally into it. I paid a lot of attention to this line throughout my practice and found it to be quite helpful. At one point, I think I was in Janu A, I could feel the tug in my hamstring and just lightly in my lower back so to test the SBL theory I tucked my chin to my chest, thus lengthening the line, and I was amazed at the extra stretch I got in my lower back but only on the side of the straight leg. It was pretty cool. With all the forward folding in the primary there was a lot of chances to observe and play. The sun finally burned through the clouds about the time I was in Mari D, speaking of Marichyasana, I bound comfortably in B again today and went a little further in D, and after an extended Supta Kurmasana (more observation of the SBL) I looked up to see to does having a drink across the pond. A hawk floated over right before Urdhva Dhanurasana and I was really glad to be exactly where I was. The rest of the practice was simply absorption of my existence in/with everything around me. Sirsasana included a lovely, but upside down, view of the Shawangunk ridge over the pond and trees.

The motivation is still up and down at work. I did get all my new welding toys today so I can start playing with some steel and hopefully start building furniture again to make a little side money. I’m shuffling off to Buffalo for the weekend as I didn’t make it last weekend to finish cleaning my house out before the buyer moves in on MONDAY! Thank God it’s done…

God that felt good. I made it into the studio for practice this morning. It was nice to practice with other people and to be in a space dedicated to the practice. I’m still tight on the opposite sides but tight now isn’t what it used to be, say, like a year ago. I was actually able to bind pain free in Mari B (often puts too much strain on my ankle) and went a lot further than normal in Mari D. I’m not going to rush binding on that one. I felt very floaty in my practice this morning which is a lovely change from the heaviness that has been.

I’m curious, as yogis, if as we go through our practice, day after day, and the body is constantly adapting as it does, I’m curious if these stiff and sometimes painful periods aren’t some sort of “growth spurt”. Because if I remember correctly from my childhood, growth spurts are a bit on the uncomfortable side. - That was my random thought in Supta Kurmasana which I almost skipped today and just did kurmasana for twice as long. Kurmasana felt good and I didn’t think my hips and hams were up for supta K so I held kurmasana longer, but after holding it things seemed to open up and Supta K actually felt really good. A lot of the asanas felt good today and I stayed in them a bit longer and relaxed a little deeper. It felt almost cleansing. I’m feeling a connection in my tight left hamstring to my low back on the left side and now that I think about it, when my right ham is exceptionally tight I feel the connection to my low right back. Looks like I’ll have to pull out the anatomy books tonight and see what’s going on there. Another note on the hamstrings- Since I’ve been here I’ve been working at a normal height desk so my legs are constantly bent at 90 degrees, my desk in Buffalo was a stand-up height so my legs were stretched out more often than not. I wonder if that is allowing my hamstrings to tighten up more?

I could almost do a happy dance, it felt so good to open up in a practice. Meetings and drafting will fill the rest of my day. Some days the mundane is kind of nice.

Motivation is low, like under a rock low. I’ve been practicing on my own for just over a week, which I know isn’t really that long (ok, it's not at all long). I’ve gone longer when I was getting ready to lead the primary class but then I was really motivated. I had the energy of excitement and fear to keep me going. Today I was just sort of drifting through my practice and just couldn’t finish it. Maybe I need the energy boost of a couple extra bodies on occasion. I get paid today,(Finally, I’ve been here 5 ½ weeks without a paycheck) So I can get back into the yoga studio. Tangent: I would love to have someone here who teaches Mysore. The studio I go to is really great with a very good teacher and good adjustments but We only do a led primary once a week and I would like to try to move through the Ashtanga series in the Mysore style. REW thinks if I keep posting pictures of the serene beauty around here I might sucker someone in for at least the summer (and I hear it’s even prettier in the fall). I think I may have to try that. Anyone want to teach a Mysore class in New Paltz, NY? Please? It’s only 90 minutes to NYC…

I was happy this morning that my forearm wasn’t hurting too badly. I had a piece of machinery fall over at work yesterday and I caught it with my left forearm. It was pretty heavy but what was really the problem was I caught all the weight on a very thin edge of metal right across the forearm. I was a worried it may have damaged the muscle but I think I may just end up with a good bruise. The only thing that hurts is pressing on it or pulling with my left hand (i.e. toe-lock) but that’s not even too bad.

On to other worldly topics: Did you know fear of death can stop a sneeze? As I was driving into work today I was starting to sneeze as I was going into a blind turn at about 50mph. My eyes had just reached the squinty phase before the sneeze when I see a super-size SUV coming around the corner towards me. Suddenly – No Sneeze. They say you can’t keep your eyes open when you sneeze and I sure couldn’t afford to close them at that point... Pretty exciting stuff.

The body was not. Practice this morning was tight and the strange thing about it was that the tightness switched from its normal sides. Usually my right hamstring and my left hip are the tight ones, this morning it was the left hamstring and the right hip. Bizarre. But I woke up feeling good, and my mind was ready to get on the mat but something just had me all tightened up. I’m sure it doesn’t help that my practice time is somewhat sporadic. I guess I should try to get something in every morning and really the only evening I need to add in is Monday (the alignment class) otherwise it should be all mornings… if I get my ass in gear.

I’m a little closer to getting hooked up to the LAN at work. At least now they’re messing with the line. Apparently it’s all kinds of screwed up. Things seem to be settling in here. We’ve finally settled on a design for the first show, albeit a little late, but it’s simple enough I should be able to get caught up quickly. All of my little tasks are getting knocked off, one by one, and I’m just about to the point where it flows. I’m sure the students will throw a wrench in that at first but I think they will be the highlight of the job.

And the house… we have finally, finally come to an agreement between the buyer and myself. It’s not ideal but I’m not losing my shirt and the house will be done, gone, kaput, history, and that will make me happy. Closing date is August 31, let’s all keep our fingers crossed.

[I actually wrote the above at 9am this morning but not only did I not have the LAN at work, we had no internet access at all. As of now I have both. WoooHoooo!]

Yikes! I just realized in 3 weeks I'll start teaching college students again. It's been a few years...And I never really had to do the formal classroom teaching, most of it was in the shop. (I teach Scenic/Theatre Technology). It should be interesting. My goal is to get them to think and hopefully not bore the shit out of them. (oh, and I hope they keep all their fingers, too)

Practice yesterday was in the same location as Saturday but definitely not the same place. I had recently come across something about how we get attached to our good practices and associate it with time, location, etc. and then we try to recreate those situations to have the great experience again. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way and yesterday was my self taught lesson. What I'm really blaming it on was too much sugar Saturday night and Sunday morning. Sugar make me moody. I'm also starting to see a moon cycle...I seem to get down right after the new moon... plus I'm just moody. But once again, I made it to the mat, and learned something about myself and my practice.

Didn't practice this morning as I woke-up a bit late. I'll practice when I get home tonight. Doing home practices this week to save a little cash... And it gets too easy sometimes when I can just go into a led class and have someone tell me what to do next. I lose the self as part of the practice.

I'm Hungry.

This is where I practiced today.


Om, Shanti.

It is never born nor does it die:
Nor once that it is will it ever not be:
Unborn, unending, eternal, and ancient
It is not killed when the body is killed.

-the Bhagavad Gita

So what does a yogi do when he can’t practice due to the moon? Well, this one FINALLY read the Bhagavad Gita. I’ve been trying for weeks just to get through the introduction but it was just so wordy and I had to reference the text, then the translator’s notes and it was slow and boring. So last night I decide to ignore the intro and just read the Gita. It was much easier to read than the intro and I really enjoyed it. Read about half last night and finished this morning. Most of it made sense. I had to reference the translator’s notes some but not always. I flipped through the intro after reading the Gita and it makes a lot more sense, too. I’m sure I missed a lot of the detailed meaning and symbolism and I plan on going back through it to break it down more. I agreed with some (most, actually) but definitely not all and I know I put my own philosophic spin on some of that which I wasn’t quite sure of. I often read things like this with the idea of applying or not applying the concepts to myself, vs. just reading it for the analytical value of the piece. I made a lot of marks and margin notes and I think I may do a sub-blog of this or maybe of Svadhyaya in general as I go through different texts and hopefully I can get some comments/dialogue going. I think on my trip to Buffalo this weekend I’m going to listen to Richard Freeman’s section of the Yoga Matrix about the Bhagavad Gita which I’m sure will make it a bit clearer as well. I have to admit, too, that I felt a nice sense of peace as I was reading it and since I have finished it.

The idea of skipping practice for moon days is new to me. Not coming from a Mysore style background it wasn’t taught/practiced. The longer I practice and the more connections I make to other ashtangis it feels more natural. The only explanation of it that I have seen so far is Tim Miller’s. It makes sense, I’m curious if there’s more to it than that.

Although my upstairs neighbors can be loud and thumpy they do create some fun flashbacks to my childhood. There are two girls with a younger brother who they see as their own live doll. (kinda how I grew up) Last week the oldest daughter had the little boy (5 years old) dressed in drag, complete with make-up, earrings, and a stuffed halter-top. And of course the camera came out. I could feel for the kid. It’s nice to get the attention from your siblings but in 15 years when that picture comes back out… I was looking through some pictures of my childhood a few years ago when I ran across one that had my sisters (probably around 7 & 8) playing house with these two other little girls. I asked who the two other little girls were and one was a friend of the family that I remembered after her name was mentioned, the other little girl was… me.

This morning after the parents left for work the eldest daughter was trying to find something to do with a can of silly string she must have recently acquired. Sprayed a little here and there, a little in a tree off the balcony… then she goes back inside, comes out with her little brother and starts to decorate him with the silly string. That was kind of funny. But what was funnier was when I hear the little boy proclaim with glee, “Mom’s Home!” as the mom’s SUV pulled into the driveway, obviously earlier than expected because the daughter’s response was “Oh, Shit!” and I hear the stomping up above as she scramble around to clean up her mess and her little brother.

This morning came too early. I didn’t want to get out of bed and I really didn’t want to practice. But I got myself up, made some tea, used the laser pointer to play with the cats (that’s the Blonde Lady’s recent gift, to hopefully wear them out so they sleep through the night and not drive her nuts) and then laid out the mat.

I put on my music that I practiced to in Buffalo, said my invocation and started a slow flow. No pressure, just move and flow. It took about five breaths and the mind cleared and I was glad I was practicing. I allowed myself to not push in some poses and I pushed in others. All in all it was an uneventful practice and what stands out the most was the lack of desire to start and how within a few breaths the mind cleared and I knew I made the right choice. Something to remember when I am trying to talk myself out of practicing.

One thing I worked a bit on was pulling the knees up tight to the chest before jumping back. I usually keep them pretty low and can still swing my legs through but Michael would like us to keep the knees up and in which is harder…and I can’t swing through that way. So, that’s the challenge. It takes a lot more abdominal strength to lift up that way so I’m not complaining about the change, I know that strength will be helpful in many parts of my practice.


So I’m never buying a house again. I may buy land and build but never buying another house thinking it would be a good “investment”. This is a pain in the ass trying to get it sold and I’ll be lucky to break even. At least I have a buyer right now but last week they said the electrical was bad and I needed to fix it, now the electrical is fine but the roof won’t make it through the winter. Grrmph. I’ve offered a concession for the roof but we’ll see if it’s enough. I just want to get it gone.

Fun and exiting plans for the morning. I have about 3 hours of paperwork to do for my benefit planning. At least I have them, and it may be the most redeeming factor of working for a NY state institution. I’m looking forward to the students starting up so we can get into the regular flow of things.

And finally, a nature note: I saw 8 Great Blue Herons in the swamp on my way into work the other day. I almost ran off the road trying to count all of them.

Since I wasted too much time posting the pictures I don't have much time to write. That's ok, though. I didn't practice much this morning either. I just didn't have it in me. I got to Badha Konasana and just pooped out. My joints were all a little tender today and I'm not sure why. I obviously expected to have a better practice because I was disappointed with my "performance." There's that dreaded E-word... I did try to improve on some of the issues I found from the photos and on the notes Michael has been giving me. I'm not sure I slept that well, either. So that may have impacted a bit. I was pretty tired this morning.

But... I did Practice. I was honest with myself as to how I felt. And I Breathed.

I guess that constitutes a good practice.

Today was a lovely little smackdown of my ego. Practice was nice but I keep having things pointed out (and rightly so) that I need to work on improving…things I thought I was doing well. And yesterday I had L, who I think I will refer to as the Blonde Lady (as that’s what the cats call her), take some pictures of me in some poses. Some that I thought I was doing well in and some just to gauge where I am. Well, they’re all gauging pictures. Yikes! I thought I might post them but I’m leaning away from it. I didn’t realize how not bent my back was in back bends.

Weekend catch up:
I didn’t practice on Friday as I went to NYC for the Blonde Lady’s party. We had a very nice time. She took me to dinner first at a Thai restaurant, which I have already forgotten the name of. It was Yummmmmy! Then went to a club (Quo, I think) where her agents had rented the place for all their clients and some casting agents and all of us significant others. It wasn’t really my scene, or the Blonde Lady’s, but we still had a nice time. I forgot what it’s like to be in a club where you have to yell to have a conversation… We didn’t get home until 1:00AM and I passed out immediately. I was glad that class didn’t start until 11 on Saturday so I could sleep in a bit… The cats seemed to have forgotten that we were sleeping in so they went their usual ape-shit around 6am and although I didn’t get out of bed until 8, I didn’t sleep much past 6. I felt ok come class time but I was just exhausted through the class. The best thing about it was that I was ok with being tired. I realized why and I didn’t beat myself up or push too hard. I just accepted that I was tired and my practice was going to reflect that. Didn’t make it any easier physically but mentally it was much better. Sunday’s practice wasn’t much better which I have to admit disappointed me a little. I tried to eat well on Saturday and I got enough sleep but I guess I was still recovering from Friday so I was still dragging a little. I felt better later in the day when we were taking the pictures. I took some really nice pictures of some of the flowers and dragon flies around the pond, too, which I’ll try to slip a few in here and there. Nessie made a showing but by the time I got the camera out and to a place with a decent angle she disappeared.

I guess I need the ego adjustment anyway. It’s a good reality check to find the areas in which I need to improve, be it through pictures or teachers.

I'll post a few tomorrow.