Wandering Mind

Feel your hear beating, the breath moving in and out of your lungs. Go beyond acknowledging the thump of a muscle and the movement of air,  This is your life, your soul, radiating out, connecting, being, swelling and shrinking.  Feel.  

The solace of my days flies by in the frosty fingers of dawn and the star blanketed skies of the ever earlier coming night. It’s that ten minute ride that cleans the soul, allowing me to exist through the rest of my day. Moving forward, grateful for what I have.


Cold this morning. 43 degrees at 55mph creates a sub-freezing wind chill. Might be time to get the full face helmet and pull out the leathers… an interesting note, I almost titled this 10 minutes of peace but that would infer that the rest of my time is spent lacking peace. Surprisingly, wonderfully, happily, I'm maintaining a sense of peace in this chaos that is currently my life. But those 10 minutes of being on the bike... Seeing the fox, deer, wild turkey, vultures, and eagles...just me...no thoughts, no voices, no questions...just ride.

The sun came up slowly as I rode in today. Peeking between the trees, occasionally giving a small warming kiss and then would hide again allowing the cold to suck the air out of my chest. I could smell last night's rain still coming up from the asphalt and the leaves danced in the trees waiting for the grand finale before their final bow. You can smell the change in the air. I’m a very lucky man to live the life that I do and I’m grateful for every second of it.

Between being sick last week and work this week I’m going a little light on the asana which is making me feel a little heavy… Just gotta get through the next seven days and then all will be back to normal.  I think once I get it out of my head that work is keeping me from other things I’ll be ok with it.  I actually like the work and don’t mind long hours, it’s when I feel like it’s keeping me from something else (in this case, my practice as SHE is currently in Venice…).  I need to remember that my practice is still there, waiting patiently for me to find it again.  No stress, no guilt, this is my life and it fluctuates.  Now if I can only remember that…

Gotta go, gotta weld.  

Made it out to the Gunks today with the dynamic duo of REW and Hockey Chick. It was an extremely good time. The subject of the old Batman TV show came up once, must be the inspiration for the dynamic duo thing… We managed to get everybody up in the air AND back down again without any problems and judging by the smile on her face at the top and when she got back down, I think REW had a pretty good time.

I haven’t had much coffee in the last month or so and this morning had 4 cups before heading out to the crag. Tea is a wonderful, calm, uplifting stimulant, but WOOOO! Coffee really has a kick. I just felt bouncy all over the rock. Slight flashback to the bouldering days when I would intentionally over-caffeinate before I would climb. Also flashed back playing with some dynos once or twice(a dyno is a dynamic move where if missed one will fall, think of it more as bouncing or jumping from one hold to another). I love dynos even if they are a little showboaty. I don’t usually get a chance to do too much dynamic movement due to fear of hitting the ground but it just felt good today so…

and hopefully next time they come up the Blonde Lady will be able to play, too. Instead of traipsing all over Italy (really, I'm not jealous at all)

If you would like to see more photos of our little adventure you can go here. (this is the danger of a digital camera- we took around 60 pictures...)

No news is good news, I guess.  (Not to be confused with rew’s Nose News).  Work is keeping me pretty much slammed all day but other than the occasional out of control craziness it’s a lot of fun.  I’m too busy to deal with the bureaucratic BS which is really the biggest downside to this job.  Looks like I’ll be working on Sunday, but it should be a fun work call.  No students that really don’t want to be there.  I’m really kind of amazed how much I like my students.  I think my brief stint teaching yoga really changed my perspective on what teaching is and the relationship with the students.

I guess it’s good that the Blonde Lady is still touring Italy (and getting paid for it), keeps me from feeling guilty about working too much.  She’s off to Florence today and then will be in Venice the beginning of next week and she seems to be having a ball.

Best news of right now is that rew and Hockey Chick are coming up tomorrow to do a little climbing!  

Feeling back to normal.  Still skipped asana this morning but I may do some tonight.  My class went really well yesterday and the students were very involved with their projects.  It will actually carry over into Monday’s class as well which is good because I think I’m going to have to work on the show on Sunday so I won’t really have time to prep over the weekend.  

Not much to add, being sick sort of limits the interesting stuff.  I am starting to read Light on Yoga…

Anyway, Gotta go, it’s Thursday, Students all day long!

Sometimes I amaze myself with my own brilliance. So what to do when you are feeling sick (happily, however, better than yesterday. It’s definitely on it’s way out) and you have to teach a class? Make the students teach it! They had readings they were supposed to do, so put them on the spot (in small groups for comfort and support) and have them explain and give demos of the material. Genius. Pure Genius. Nice to see the flu hasn’t affected my ego :) It should help to break up the lectures, too.

I might almost think I’m being lazy but I actually think they’ll get more and remember more from this than me lecturing about how stairs are made and how platforms stand up. Plus, we can discuss all the options and talk about what does or doesn’t work and why.

No Asana this morning. Allowing the body to rest. A little meditation and some tea, though. Actually made for a lovely morning.

I highly recommend checking out rew this morning. She is kindly sharing some well needed wisdom.

Best line ever heard at a Blockbuster- “um, yeah, I had to go to jail and didn’t get a chance to return this.”

And… The Blonde Lady was nice enough to leave me a little present before she left for Italy.  A little flu bug… Man, I feel like hell.  I’ve only been sick something like once in the last 2 (or more) years.  Hopefully it will pass quickly but it would explain my practice this morning.

I practiced.  That’s my accomplishment.  Focus was hit and miss, bandhas decided they wanted to sleep in lieu of joining me, my muscles and joints were all there but seemed to be doing their own thing.  But at least I was on my mat… and savasana was actually quite nice.

I don’t know what’s going on with my practice.  I’ve really had to push myself to practice lately and I’ve talked myself out of practicing too much in the last couple of weeks.  My first inclination is to blame it on job stress or at least how I’m letting that affect me.  I actually swore (f-bomb) at/to a couple of my students when they were getting careless on the table saw.  I had already given them a couple of warnings but they were not heeded and one woman was having to move her hands a bit too franticly toward the blade.  Frantic + Power Saw = BAD.  After that, however, they did quite well.  I’m really enjoying the students, it’s just that I’m supervising/teaching for 27 hours each week and I’m finding it hard to have time to prepare for class, do the construction drawings, research, purchasing, and go to meetings…  But it’s not horrible, it’s just waiting for me to figure out an efficient way to organize it…

Really, though, I’m not entirely convinced that’s it.  It’s probably be part of it.  I think I may be expecting too much from myself and then if I don’t achieve it, practicing is less…just less.  

But it’s cyclical, so I should observe and remember and apply.  

The Blonde Lady left for Rome yesterday.  She’s doing a commercial for a cruise line and it shoots in Rome, Venice, somewhere in Greece (I think) and on the ship.  She called this morning and said they were going to go test ride some Vespas to possibly use in the commercial.  I’m so in the wrong end of this business.

So this is post number 100.  I don’t think I’ve ever written this many entries in any journal I’ve had.  I guess sometimes it helps to share.

Practice this morning was good, asana sucked royally.  I find it interesting that I separated the two as usually I don’t.  My mind never stopped running the entire time but it did transform as I moved stiffly and awkwardly through my practice.  When I started everything had a shadow over it.  I was finding the negative in everything, but by the end there was a lightness in my being.  Not super light but lighter than when I started.  

I’ve noticed the longer I write the better my observation skills have become but sometimes that observer is looking over my shoulder, talking in my ear and I really wish he would just shut the hell up.  A little silence, please!

There is a teacher training coming up at my studio that I’m considering.  I have a lot to think about with it but currently I have to get ready for my Theatre students so I will have to expound upon it later.

Autumn is coming. There is a little more color as I ride in to work and the leaves are dancing behind me on the road. Jumping and swirling like children after the last day of school.

The language, and the processes which stem from it, merely release the fundamental order which is native to us. The do not teach us, they only remind us of what we know already, and of what we shall discover time and time again, when we give up our ideas and opinions, and do exactly what emerges from ourselves.
-Christopher Alexander, The Timeless Way of Building

Sometimes, when I stop thinking, my practice becomes something wonderful that I previously could not conceive, and because I could not conceive it, I was preventing it.

What a crappy day. You know those practices where you're tired, or weak, or off balance, no focus, etc.? Put all those together and that was my practice this morning. Then I was lowering the Blonde Lady off a route and the rope got stuck in a crack and she was about 15 feet off the ground... Cracked my shin on a rock getting her down (which we did, safely). And had to get gas on the way to the train station...$68!!!

I'm blaming it all on the Ben and Jerry's I had last night... It's that yummy, sweet, goodness. It'll ruin your life.

Dirty Gerdie and Herdie Gerdie, both 5.8 (Dirty was a 5.8+). Went to the Gunks with the Punk Opera Lady after work and top roped a couple of routes. It was really nice getting out and completely clearing work out of my mind. There was also a variation to Dirty Gerdie called Dogs in Heat that was a 5.11a that I almost got. We were scoping it out while we were on the other two routes and we thought we knew what the crux was. There was this section with no feet and tiny hands near the bottom (about 10’ up), I actually got through that (kind of amazed both her and me) but the next move was a single finger pocket that I just couldn’t pull (again, with no feet) to make it up. Apparently that was the crux. I think if I worked it a few more times with a longer rest before I start I could probably do it. I’m sure I’ll try, I was just sooo close… I would do the biggest happy dance to pull a 5.11 at the Gunks…

Beautiful practice to start the day after a beautiful ride in and pulling down on some rock into the twilight. I can live like this. It doesn’t make the insanity of work seem so bad, and I have to admit I really like the students…

I wish I had more time to write but at least I have time to practice.  Another beautiful ride in this morning.  It was crisp and clear and as the bike neared 50 mph my breath was pulled out of my chest like a cold winter morning.  Dawn was more of a thought than a reality with a pink glow coming up over the horizon and the fog hung low near the ground where you could just see the backs of the deer as they fed.

And… train of thought crashes, students are here to work.

I’m looking forward to a complete thought soon.

Practice Was Good!

This morning’s practice was a prayer. I didn’t start with that intention but I realized as I practiced that it had become one. I was actually running behind so I skipped a most of my pre-practice ritual and just said the invocation and allowed my practice to take over. It was really a wonderful feeling and not something I’m used to lasting the entire time. The poses felt natural where they were, and I was aware of where they used to be, and I could see, in time, where they were going but there was no rush to get there.

The ride in this morning was beautiful but chilly. The temp was in the low 50’s and at 50mph it drops a bit more. The sun was coming up and there was a fog engulfing the landscape so you could only see the idea of the world. I traveled through the wetlands with a Great Blue Heron sailing along with me and by the time I got to the rows of sunflowers just outside of town the fog was so thick I had to take off my glasses because of the condensation blocking my vision. I think the beauty of that ride slipped into my practice and my prayer came from my gratitude for that beauty.

I’m not used to enjoying myself so much on the weekends. It makes it much harder to go back to work when it’s over, especially if one didn’t do the work one needed to do over the weekend (oops!). My weekend, including my yoga, was very much about being nice to myself and accepting where I am and I have found that this in turn allows me to accept where others are in relation to me. It is a wonderful release of pressure. I can always be somewhere else with someone else doing something else, but I’m not and I’m not by choice… I don’t have to be in this pose, on this rock, with this person but I am, and I’m grateful.

Saturday was spent on the motorcycle cruising through little towns near New Paltz. We were supposed to climb but we were both too tired due to the frat house that I now live in. I went upstairs at 1:30 to ask them to turn the music down. I went up at 2:30 and told them to turn it off. Then the third roommate in the apartment above got home around 3:30 and proceeded to chase a squealing girl around the apartment until one of his roommates yelled at him. Then I got to go to sleep. They’ve actually been really quiet after 10 last night and the night before, so I think they’ll be ok, just feeling out their limits. I hope.

While we were out cruising we stopped for ice-cream in High Falls, it was really good ice-cream, possibly the best chocolate I’ve had. We then walked around high falls a bit and in this vacant lot there were these great old timbers from a recently demolished barn. I make furniture and I try to use old lumber and mix it with wrought iron. These beams were perfect for some really gorgeous beds so we went into the store next door to ask if they might know who they belonged to. So I ask the owner of the store if he knows who the lot belongs to and he says “yeessss…..” like I’m asking him something esoteric. So I mentioned why I was asking and he says, “oh, wait, look out the window, see that guy getting in the car? that’s the owner. That’s Aidan Quinn, the actor. If you run you can probably catch him.” If I run I can catch him? I’m sure Aidan Quinn doesn’t want people chasing him down to ask about his demolished barn so needless to say I wasn’t going to chase him down. The store owner was very nice and took my name and number and said he would check what was happening to the beams. Unfortunately someone got them before me…

The Blonde Lady and I made it out to climb yesterday and had a great time. We upped her to climbing a 5.6 and she wore my smallest climbing shoes in lieu of her tennis shoes so the foot work was a lot easier. I’m thinking new shoes will be coming soon. I’m still amazed how fast she picks up the technical aspects of climbing, which I think is really the hardest part. Anybody can just go throw themselves around on a rock and get a little higher each time, but the Blonde Lady climbs with a little finesse. Granted there is room for improvement, She’s only been climbing twice… and even if she’d been climbing for years there would be room, but she is off to a beautiful start. I had some fun climbing some variations which got me up to 5.9 and I was actually a little tight this morning but it didn’t last long. I have to admit I’m surprised yoga is keeping me as strong as it is. I haven’t climbed (until this last week) in over a year and I can still pull down on most of what I could before I stopped. The fingers and forearms aren’t back to full but they’re at least 90%...

We were going to go out again today (and hopefully I could start leading something simple to get used to that again) but were unable due to the rumor of leaking amniotic fluid. On top of being a wonderfully talented actress, the Blonde Lady is also a certified Doula and she had to head back into the city because she has a client who THOUGHT she was leaking fluid. She wasn’t. But we still missed out on the climbing. They’ll probably be inducing labor tonight anyway so it was good for her to get back, just bad for climbing.

Busy, busy, busy week coming up.

I think my yoga is trying to balance itself with the rest of my life. It seems as the pace I’ve been going at work continues to increase, the pace of my practice continues to slow down. I’m not entirely sure it has slowed as it’s not taking much longer to do, it could just be a relativity thing. I know I love how slow it feels. The movements feel specific, controlled and slow and my breathing is long, slow breaths. All of this is exactly opposite of how I feel at work. I think I’ve felt a need for my practice more this week than ever before. I need that balance to help me make it through my day. Today was a long one. I was at the studio practicing by 7:00 this morning, from there went to work and got home a bit before 9 and I’m finally getting a chance to write before I crash. I enjoyed moving through my practice this morning and I really felt that way through the whole thing. Each pose was intentional and there was no looking forward and no looking back. I just moved. Mari D took a step forward today. I’m still a ways from binding but it’s visible now. Jump-throughs were very slow and deliberate today and I played with how I hold my feet while bringing them through and I even used half blocks for a few of them just to move through them in super slow motion with nothing touching so I could observe the muscles in use.

Today was another good but hectic day. My work study students started in at 9 this morning and I had them through 5, plus everything else I have going on. So far I have a great group of students and they really like to work and challenge themselves. It’s kinda funny that I have these girls/women working for me that like to pick the dirtiest jobs. When given an option, they always go for the dirt. I think a couple of them like to wear the dirt/grease/oil/rust as a badge to show how strong they are. I also like that they go home and brag to their friends that they’re carpenters. Now if I can just get them to switch majors to tech theatre…