Wandering Mind

It was too beautiful not to take the motorcycle out this morning, even if it was only 34 degrees. I ordered a full face helmet yesterday and I'm really looking forward to it. My eyes were streaming tears within 30 seconds it was so cold.

I didn't get home until nearly 4 last night (this Morning...)as I got a bit lost trying to drive out of Queens. I had a great time with the Blonde Lady and her friends. They're the type of people I think I'm supposed to hang out with but I can't ever seem to find them in my world. I always seem to end up in places where my peers seem to average at least 15 years younger and 15 years older, never around my age. It makes for a much more "normal" conversation because these are people going through similar things as I am...
But getting back to how late I got in... and the cats missed the memo about the time change so I really didn't get that extra hour... So I figured if I was up I might as well cruise through the fall folliage at 55mph. Now, I just need to go find some caffiene before the work call starts.

Solitary practice today. I had no other intention than to be grateful for every moment of my practice. And it. Felt. Sooo. Good. There was a sense pf peace throughout my practice and an openness in my mind and heart that spread through my limbs. I wonder how I could ever have days where I think I don’t want to practice when there is always the possibility of having a day like today.

“Change your mind, change your life” was the mantra going through my head by the end of my practice. I know where this came from originally but why it came into my head today during practice and didn’t go away.... It just hovered behind every breath, every movement, every tight spot, every opening.

It's starting to get cold now. Lows near freezing, frost on the windshield, and the leaves are dripping with color. It's a good time to be alive.

I had my third yoga student start today. And then I think another two to three will be starting next week…and this is all word of mouth. I’m a little nervous if I actually make any kind of public announcement that I may get too many. I’ve definitely decided on Mondays and Thursdays, now I need to decide when I will practice on those days. I suppose I could try to get in at 5:00…

I’m trying very hard to find humility in my yoga and in my life right now. Things are going extremely well at work both with the students and my coworkers, almost too well. I seem to be gaining good popularity with the students and faculty without compromising myself, my classes, or production values on the shows. I’m just trying to be myself. I’m very flattered with my reception, especially considering how nervous I was at the beginning of the semester, but it’s almost too much. Too much fodder for the ego to feed on. Where’s SMN with a good ego smack when I need one? I’m very grateful for this response but I don’t want to take anything for granted. Plus I don’t want to start feeling all high and mighty because I know the Universe would give me a bigger smack down than even SMN. So, I will work at remaining observant of my blessings, grateful, and humble. And there’s always my yoga to keep me humble. I’m still enjoying moving back into my full practice and the tightness that is slowly releasing. I feel so much better on the days I get the full series in but I am accepting those days I can’t because I get to share this with other people with really great energy.

Weather permitting I’m hoping to take the Blonde Lady and some students climbing on Saturday but it may be too cold or wet. Then into the city Saturday night to celebrate the Blonde Lady’s birthday (November 1) and back bright and early on Sunday to work…
It’s a busy life, good, but busy.

It was a whirlwind weekend flying down to Florida on Friday night with the Blonde Lady, sleeping on an under inflated air-mattress so every time one of us moved the other would get rolled off the bed. Getting up bright and early to help get ready for my Dad’s wedding (which was lovely, he had a lot of really wonderful friends there and I was touched by the sincerity of the vows.) Then a brief visit with family and flew back into JFK and to the Blonde Lady’s apartment, set up her Ipod on her new computer, then late to bed and early to rise to hop on the train back to New Paltz. Strike went well, it took a little longer than I had hoped but it happened efficiently and most importantly, safely.

I was exhausted Sunday night and didn’t get to bed until after 10 (after 4 hours and 2 hours of sleep for the previous two nights) and I was extremely pleased with myself for making it in to practice yesterday at 6:30 in the morning. I wasn’t sure if anyone would be there and I was pleasantly surprised to find it was just me. I took my practice slow and controlled and made it all the way through the primary series; which I haven’t done since before my hiatus. It felt sooooo good. It was a really strange practice though. Hypersensitive… My emotions were all over the place for most of the standing, going from crying, to anger to giggling. Apparently I have some things I need to clear out of my system… but it was hypersensitive physically too. I could really feel movements interiorly. It felt like I could feel individual muscle fibers, all the fascia, the ligaments and tendons, even the movement of the head of the femur moving in the hip joint. It was really wonderful. If I could be that sensitive every day it would be very easy to really dig deeply into each pose. By the time I made it to the floor my emotional rollercoaster had subsided and I was just happy. Happy that I could be so sensitive, happy that my practice allowed for my body to process so much. After practice I had a very busy day. I would have liked to have written about my practice yesterday before I lost the details but it was not to be. The day was busy but good and I was tired from lack of sleep so the intention was to go to bed early… nope, not until 11:00. Then up early this morning and back in by 6:30. Spark Plug was here this morning so it was again a limited practice for me. I’m getting a schedule worked out so I can really help these guys and not lose my practice. Of course one wants to do Monday/Wednesday and the other wants Tuesday/Thursday… Maybe I’ll do Monday/Thursday.

The weather forecast said snow flurries tonight…Shit.

Two this morning, one was a first timer…so not really a practice for me.  But I’m still sore and tight from taking so much time off I’m sure my body needed the rest.  And I still did nearly all the standing and finishing…  It will be interesting to see where this leads.  If I can get them comfortable with the series I can practice with them, otherwise I’m going to have to make some choices.  A 4:30am practice is not appealing so I may just “teach” on two days a week and allow the other three to be my own time and then vary/shorten my practice on the teaching days.

Short day at work today and then off to Florida with the Blonde Lady for my dad’s wedding, then back tomorrow night and work on Sunday to strike the set… It’s going to be a busy weekend…  I actually had a dream about strike last night (strike being where we tear down the set).  In strike I’m in charge of 142 students and about 8 faculty members and I have to make sure that everything happens safely and quickly.  In my dream I was sitting in the house of the theatre and I asked my boss what time it was.  He said it was 8:00.  well strike started at 4:45 so it should have been done and I looked down on stage and it almost was.  But I didn’t remember any of it.  I said “is strike done?” and he said “yes, but you did horribly and you were extremely rude to a lot of people.”  “But I don’t remember any of it”  and he starts giving me shit about how I did my job.  I thought to myself that this must be a dream.  I would never to a bad job nor treat people badly.  I knew this wasn’t reality.  But I couldn’t wake up.  I just kept going through the motions of the next couple of days dealing with the aftermath of how horribly I had done my job.  And I still couldn’t remember…  How could I forget?  How could I do so horrendously?  And then I woke up and I had to think for a while whether or not this was real and it was two days after strike, or a dream………….  

This morning looked like a badly painted water color. Not in that it was ugly but in that you wouldn’t believe it if someone painted it. The pinkish orange horizon washes up into the light blue of the morning sky and if you trace it to the west we just get darker and darker blues until you see the brightest, clearest moon you’ve ever seen. It reminds me of a clear winter night in Montana…

I practiced with Spark Plug this morning (so named for a small accident she had unplugging the welder…). She’s very flexible but has lacked a “structured” yoga/asana practice so we only made it through Suryas, standing and finishing. I thought she knew a bit more than she did but I’m not complaining. I had fun teaching again (teaching yoga is nothing like teaching college) and she has a wonderful energy and attitude. I didn’t explain and do adjustments for everything as I wanted to have something of a practice for myself and I didn’t want to overwhelm her, either. She did wonderfully and I think she’s planning on coming back… I think that I’ll start getting a few more people coming in to practice with me as well which will incorporate more teaching, less poses, but an opportunity to share yoga. Today I felt like there was more of an exchange or connection than I usually have when I’m just practicing with a couple of people at the open practice times at the studio. Maybe it’s because we’re friends. It’s the feeling I loved so much when I practiced in Buffalo and I don’t think I realized I was missing it until today. I was very lucky in Buffalo to have the teachers I had and the friends that I had (scratch that, both hads should be HAVES). I don't plan on losing any of them.

Two days in a row! This morning was great but not without its trials and tribulations. Balance? What’s that? And my back body line was still super tight and to add to that it was sore from yesterday. But it was a little more open and the hips were much better today. The best thing about this morning, though, was the heart and mind. They were open and clear. Things came in and things went out, but I was there the whole time. The heart was grateful and the mind was gentle and my practice was perfect. Today I went up through Navasana before moving on to finishing (yesterday was only Suryas, standing and finishing) I didn’t see the point in pushing the back body further… and I think I can feel stiffness in my intercostal muscles…strange sensation.

Yesterday continued to be a lovely day with a nice slow pace but was very productive and it felt so good to go home while it was still light out. My guest lecture spot went ok, I talked for five minutes and then showed pictures for 15. Some of my regular students were in this class which made it a little easier but I was still nervous. You would think as a teacher I would like to get up and talk, but I think I prefer teaching to talking…

I found my mat this morning. It felt good to be moving but man, am I tight. The entire backside of my body was insanely tight. From the Achilles tendon through the calves, hams, gluts, lower, middle and upper back and the neck. Forward folds were almost funny they were so limited. And of course my hips have tightened back up, too. I’m not surprised or disappointed. I’ve been pretty hard on my body the last few weeks so I’m just happy that it is responding. It will be interesting to watch it open up over the next few weeks. I was gentle with myself today and hope to remain that way. So between reestablishing my asana and moving back to some clean, wholesome food I’m looking forward to watching my body and mind respond.

I went to the yoga studio at 6:30 this morning but the door was locked so I ended up at the dance studio at school. It was a little weird being in there, new space and all, but it’s a great floor and heated so… and I am hoping to make this my main practice spot unless I’m at the studio for a class. I also want to try to get some people in practicing with me so I guess I should start recruiting.

Faculty meeting this morning (joy) and then this afternoon I get to guest lecture and tell people what a Technical Director does. I’m not really sure how to explain that or at least have it take longer than 5 minutes to explain. (I’m supposed to fill a half hour)

It’s been a long few weeks with the hours averaging around 100 each week. Everything finally slowed down at the end of last week and the show opened on Friday. I’m trying to think of what’s happened in the past couple of weeks but I had enough on my shoulders so I kicked that mouthy little observer off and put him to work… Kinda leaves me hanging on the memory aspect, though. The show turned out pretty well. I have to get back into the mindset that these are college productions and not professional but it’s going to take a little time. I think it was a boost in the quality level for here but there is still a ways to go.

Happily I’ve still been dragging my new little camera around with me so it keeps me looking for the beautiful parts of life. It’s a new twist for me, always looking for the beautiful. I have found my observance of the change of seasons to be much deeper and the subtleties of change strike a deeper chord and even in the midst of being overwhelmed at work I could find an appreciation for where I am both geographically and mentally. Thus the entry last Monday with my expression of gratitude to the universe. I really loved the comments…

I managed to work so hard and focus on one project at work so much that I’ve managed to get behind on everything else. Today and tomorrow are dedicated to digging myself out of that hole. It was a good day today and in my class I taught the information that I’ve been dreading all semester. Electrical Theory. Like I said earlier, it works in my head but not in my mouth. But I think it actually turned out really well. They asked questions and it was one of the most interactive classes I’ve had, but I’m quizzing them on Wednesday and if they don’t do well we are going through all of it again but hopefully from a different perspective that will make more sense to them.

This past weekend was lovely. The Blonde lady was up and REW and Hockey Chick came up for a day. We wandered the muddy pumpkin patch in gale force winds and then had a lovely lunch and then just some relaxed social time back at the homestead. I don’t entertain much so its been a real pleasure having rew and Hockey Chick up lately. Saturday the Blonde Lady and I took the bike out for a short cruise but it was a little windy so we didn’t stay out long. We stopped and explored a little waterfall swollen from all the recent rains. Fires in the fireplace both Saturday and Sunday evenings. The skies were really intense in color all weekend and made for some really cool views.

One last comment on the past few weeks…

I lost my asana practice and my eating habits became solely a source of caloric intake but I really think in all of it I found something in myself. I’m not entirely sure what yet, but I know something clicked. I’ve done the hours before, and I’ve pushed harder but I think I found/maintained an appreciation for life and a sense of gratitude that often becomes lost or taken for granted… Like I said, I’m not sure what, but something clicked and I think I like it…

Survived... Now I'm ready to resume my life... whatever that may be. I'll write more later after I try teaching electical theory, oof... makes sense in my head but for some reason when it gets to my mouth it suddenly sounds like mush.

Got lots of good pictures over the weekend so I'll try to post one or two a day to keep it interesting...

I think I'm starting to see the light... One more big push today and I should have a shot at sanity.