Wandering Mind

Practice was good this morning.  Still building up heat and playing with the bandhas.  I’m trying to stay off the scale so that my adjustments to eating habits aren’t weight based or ego based, but really more about my general state of being and my yoga practice.  

I like those practices where I’m aware that I’m lucky to be doing what I’m doing.  I think the good things are around more when I’m aware and grateful.  I need to make sure I don’t take anything for granted.

I would really like to think and write more but I have a class to teach… and I don’t want to take that for granted either.

I eat too much… I like to eat until I’m full (like, REALLY full).  It’s worse in the fall and early winter because I think my body is trying to put on that extra layer for warmth.   Aside from the vanities of the aesthetic effects of eating too much it really affects my practice.  Basically, my overall energy is just lower, my body feels heavier (pun not really intended), I have the obvious issue of the extra layer restricting some movements and I noticed that my internal heat is severely dampened.  That last one is what I was really paying attention to today.  I haven’t been building up that much heat as of late and I was blaming it on the cooler weather/room.  But the last couple of days I’ve been eating better and less and I found myself sweating again before the third Surya Namaskara A.  I was pretty excited about that.  The other thing I notice, and I’ve mentioned it before, is how over eating messes up my bandhas so that I can’t get that lift.  It was nice this morning to have heat and bandhas.  My body was the willing participant, the mind, once again, wanted to go home.  I felt my mind thinking on several occasions “ok, you tried, you’re tired, it’s ok to stop now.” And I watched to see what my body’s response would be.  I found myself smiling as my body simply ignored the mind.  Yes, I was tired, but the body had the strength to keep going…so it did.  And I think the mind is grateful (but it’s ego is too big to admit it).

Mmmm, Faculty meeting today.  My Favorite!

Oh, and as cute as the mouse is, he’s got to go.  He shit in my coffee mug.

I’m just hangin’ out, surfin the net, watching my students take a test.  What a hoot, gotta love technology.  The brainwork in this room right now is amazing.  The focus is a lot like you’ll find in a yoga class with 15 people in it.  The energy is almost palpable.  The funny thing, I think, is the fact that they’re not aware of their focus.  They are just taking a test.  It’s the only thing on their mind (minus the occasional glances out the window to clear the head) yet they probably aren’t aware of this.  Unlike a yoga practice where we often pay attention to our focus, trying to keep only one thing in our mind, these guys don’t even consider the option anything else entering their minds for 75 minutes…  Pretty cool.

And…shhhh, don’t tell Jenna but I skipped my practice today.  From working late yesterday and making sure the test was ready today I just didn’t want my mind to leave “work mode”.  Plus I’m really f***ing tired.

Practice this morning was… honest. It was not deep, it was not vigorous, but it was true to me. It was a little cold in the studio this morning and my body never really loosened up but there was a fluidity to my movement that I really enjoyed. Think molasses, cold molasses. Well not that stiff… maybe more like honey. Yeah, that works. But whatever consistency it was the movements that were smooth and connected and the flow from one pose to the next was in the breath, not just corresponding with it. The whole body moved together instead of moving the legs, then arms then torso etc… It was a nice feeling even if I wasn’t going as deep and fast as the ego might prefer.

I have a new office mate. I’m not sure of a name yet…
I stopped by my office before practicing this morning and heard a rustle in the trash can… and there he was. I have no idea what to do with him. I thought about putting him outside but it’s cold… I tried laying the trash can down in the hall and letting him run away but he just ran out of the can and back into my office. He’s really cute, but I know they can carry diseases etc… I guess it’s time to deep clean the office and not give him a reason to be in here… or build him a house…

People sometimes ask why I get up at 5:30 so I can practice at 6:30… Because the coming day is just an idea that I can form, create, make my own. Because I can hear and smell the seasons changing without distraction. Because I can watch the slightly waning moon sink behind the Mohonk ridge as the sun brings the color back to the earth while I do my Sun Salutations. And of course because the rest of my day is so insane I would lose the opportunity to practice more often than not…

That being said, my practice was actually not great this morning. It started well but I had physically a very deep practice yesterday (not to be confused with the moon day practice) so today was about being kind to sore muscles and joints. My energy started waning (wow, used that word twice in one entry) right around Navasana but I made it through all the poses sans some of the vinyasas. Plus I can’t afford to owe Jenna five bucks everytime I don’t make it through my practice…

So the Palm Z22 is a really handy little gadget. It definitely helps with a less than stellar memory. I think once I use it to get caught up with everything I’ve been forgetting this semester it might actually keep my life from being so crazy… or at least a lot less “oh, shit, I forgot about that, sorry…”

Today is the test flight for one of the upcoming dance pieces. I’m flying our dance instructor at the end of his solo piece (assuming it looks like he wants it to). Let’s all hope for gentle landings. And he’s not going very high so…


Have a great day. I know I’m going to, I decided that at 6:00 this morning.

Shit. I didn't know it was a moon day... well, good, now I can blame that.

Rainy days…rainy days…  I just didn’t have it in me.  I made it through the Surya Namaskaras and half the standing but lost the motivation…  I need a yoga buddy… Or a studio that I can practice at in the mornings.   It’s definitely better for me to do it first thing every morning but Damn if it’s not hard to make it through some days by myself.  Maybe its just that I feel like I’m by myself… Loss of that whole connection thing.  Anyway… ebb and flow, right?

On the gadget front- I got a Palm Pilot, the Z22 (the cheap one).  I wanted to sync my home and work computers and see if it is helpful in keeping me organized.  So far it seems to be helpful but we’ll wait and see.  If it turns out I use it regularly I’ll probably switch to the Treo in a year or so.  Assuming I can afford that.  (Moving on to the work front) The claim at work is that they’re trying to get me more money so I can actually afford to live here.  We’ll see.  There’s often a lot of talk with little action about things like this.  I really like being here.  Probably my favorite job to date but I thought I stopped that hand to mouth stuff a few years ago…

And in the rest of my life- there are questions being asked and questions being answered and creating more and bigger questions, still looking for the answers, but I know they’ll come.

This all sounds like I’m a little down, but actually, I’m not.  In terms of general happiness, I haven’t been this content in a long time…

You know, I kinda like sleeping in until 7:00, and waking up when the sun is streaming in the window…  Beautiful Morning, Beautiful Day.  My world is in a state of transition but I trust that the truth is always there to guide me.

I think maybe the Blonde Lady and I may have to climb today.  That is, once the temperature gets above freezing…

After a day of hardcore physical labor yesterday I appreciated the slow and easy opening of my practice today.  We’re replacing the top layer of flooring on the stage and it’s really old, and really crappy so it’s a … challenge, to say the least.  I don’t think anyone working wasn’t bleeding somewhere by the end of the day and most were bleeding from multiple wounds.  It was fun…

Spark Plug came in and joined me for practice this morning but there was no teaching going on, she just flowed through the primary with me.  My shoulders were a bit tight from the work yesterday but loosened up quickly only to wear out by the end.   I worked the vinyasas a bit today so the shoulders were well used.  Forward folds were oddly open and I extended a good 3 to 4 inches further than usual.  I still find myself cheating my hamstrings but as long as I keep catching myself I guess I can keep fixing it.  

Work is really good.  We got the second show up and running and my schedule should slow down a bit (key word is “should”)  My next project is build a flying rig for a dancer in the upcoming dance show case.  I love flying people, but it always scares the crap out of me.  I haven’t written much lately as I’m just sort of moving through life with a few interesting thoughts but for the most part, just existing, enjoying and appreciating.  I’m having an itch for a yoga class in Buffalo, so I may have to figure out if I can get there anytime soon.

I’m hungry.

At the SUNY New Paltz nearest you.

It's nice to do a show on occassion that makes you reall look at the world.

I currently have no words to express it.

Siddhartha

The intentions were good, the heart was open…but the mind and body just didn’t cooperate. Actually, it was really just the mind and it distracted the body. I started out great, with a clear mind and a gratefulness for being able to practice, but by the end of the standing series my mind was a jumbled mess bouncing all over the place which made the body less than willing. I almost threw in the towel but part of me still really wanted to practice so I veered off course and played with some different poses. I played with this version of Eka Pada Rajakapotasana which is a big step for me. I used to have a hard time just getting one hand back to my leg… I then moved on to some other hip openers and then to back bends. Oh, back bends. I started out just laying back over the only prop I could find (which happened to be an industrial roll of paper towels) and allowed my front body to open up. Then I moved on to Urdhva Dhanurasana and some variations on that. At one point I rolled back onto my heels and really extended the legs and the arms. Crazy intense. It felt like a cork popped in my spinal column and the energy just went shooting up my spine and I thought my head was going to pop off and sparks would shoot out the base of my skull like a firework… I wonder how long that block had been there…

Anyway, that’s my practice. My mind is all over the place and my work hours are long. Mostly fun, sometimes frustrating but it’s that journey, the good and the bad, the sour and the sweet. And without the curves in the road, you might fall asleep at the wheel.

Getting up at 4, practicing at 5 and teaching at 6:30 may not be the way I want to go… I was dragging by the end of my own practice but the energy of teaching a class got me going again. I made the mistake of reading rew’s blog before I started to write now I just have all these thoughts of observing life and how I do and do not experience it as a journey.

Note: this is all I had time to write before I was absorbed into the world of work and not released until late evening… makes a boy tired. Published back to a more accurate time.

You probably think this pose is about you…

Practice was very Brechtian. I was constantly pulling myself out of my practice to observe, rethink, and adjust. I practiced in the dance studio again but today I left the mirrors uncovered and made some observations about my practice. Some were ego based, some were alignment based, all were distracting but necessary. I even took a video of my Surya B. I usually try to allow the processes of the mind to happen in the subconscious but today they were right there in front. I accepted the vanities of looking in the mirror because I wanted to see my alignment but I couldn’t separate my opinions so they came along too. And happily, I’m not as fat as I thought I was (but more judgmental than I would prefer)… the big thing I learned today is that I’ve been coddling my hamstrings. In forward folds I had no idea how much I was rounding my back and releasing the stretch from the hamstrings. There was a lot of “Stop Sagging” thoughts going on too. It was entertaining that’s for sure, But not the normal, peaceful practice. I won’t leave the mirrors open again for a while but since I don’t have a teacher right now I’ll have to observe myself. And, Yes, I do internal observations and work to really feel my alignment, but sometimes I need an outside observer, even if it is myself.

The drive to learn, expand and grow. Lose this and we become stagnant, become complacent and Life ceases to exist.